This Isn'T Life

In the middle of the cold night I pray the dark my dreams to keep For when I wake I fear my thoughts Of my mistakes and my pride without sleep The fool that I've quickly become Haunts even my daily grind It rips and tears but just appears Out of the corner of my unreasonable mind I'm scared and worried of what's to come When I can't seem to even fall apart To be involved enough in my own life And reach a point where I break my heart Daydreaming of what might have been Had I kept the old me around He'd wondered off into the sunset Slow and steady he's been purgatory bound I remember the little drummer in my chest Who would wake me at first light Aching to see the world begin again But the dawn since has not met his sight That's what I need to do To find the person who made me, me And be the party of one Whole and alone but free Like finding a whisper in the dark I wouldn't know where to start To begin the quest that needs to end Plug the leak and refill my emptying heart Today my smile feels brand new I feel like me again, but she could never be you