This Bag of Coal

Alienated by my past, because of my past Carrying dark secrets across every bridge I hide them under rocks And I bury them in the dirt With this bag of coal strapped to my back While I trek and climb the mountain On this journey, its all I know My soul absorbs the baggage And there it is... but I don’t see it Neither do you Its invisible I have only the remains of what was The mess that results quick snapshots of the past unanswered questions With answers I don’t like Finding the missing puzzle pieces And putting them together The burden of being alone with the darkest secret Because you never could tell And you do what you have to do To survive I pick up another piece of coal And put it in my bag The questions flood my being Why did I do this, how come I felt that? And why is it that On a beautiful spring day When the sun warms my skin the trees are vivid with blooming life And the sweet aroma of spring teases my nose Why is it crammed with a sense of fear And uncertainty A vaguely suspicious And familiar feeling That bad things Are coming It tugs on my heart every so often But I shove it down Not today It’s not real There’s no reason You should feel this way Grab the paranoia and shame Collect the fear and anxiety And twist the cap on Tight Even if I told If the threats were bluffed And it was safe to speak of The heavy bag I carried with me Whose heart would break among the truth? How could I utter those dirty words? I couldn’t in good faith unpack my bags of coal They wouldn’t fare it well Their backs would break Only I am strong enough To carry this burden What makes me different than them What always made me different What set me apart, a lone wolf in the night But I could not Invite you to join me In the endless night That is my life So I continue Alienated at the hands of my life Bearing the consequences of the evils In this world Until I can let it all go Unpack it with the wind Throw it off the cliffs Into the ocean Watch it sink to the bottom While simultaneously I rise Weightlessly into freedom And I then take a small piece of coal Out of my heavy bag And this time I leave it behind me One by one on this path I chose One piece at time I let it go My soul is tired Back is sore My legs are weak But I will make it To the top of the mountain To freedom