Thirteen

I was 13 When a boy first told me I was ugly I was 13 When I started lingering in the makeup section at Target I was 13 When I began to dislike what the mirror showed And I was 13 When I stopped eating 13 was the age of Jr. High Name brand T-shirts Disgustingly strong Axe cologne And fitting in. 13 was when that one popular girl Looked down on me Because I raised my hand in English class And yeah maybe that was Partially cause the blonde 25 year old, Straight outta college English teacher was Cute, but It was also cause I liked being good at something. Something I liked. In English class I didn’t have to worry about Fitting in or Rebelling against dress code or Getting my first kiss or Valentine's day. But the day that girl insulted my Converse I- ...Gave up. I stayed in bed and cried Feeling too sick to eat the Double mint chip ice cream My mother offered. And the next day at dinner I simply had too much math homework to eat. And the next day it was spanish And the next history And the next and The next and The next No one noticed Until ten pounds of me were gone I don’t blame them, my Friends had their own problems, and My parents worked long hours. Ten doesnt seem like much But I was a scrawny 13 year old And that was a tenth of my body weight Parents got me back on track and It was like it never happened Except whenever a doctor has me step On a scale I still get that going down in an elevator lurch of fear In my stomach. I am 15 This morning my boyfriend told me I was beautiful I am 15 Today my favorite shade of lipstick is Metallic Rose I am 15 And have my disagreements with the mirror I am 15 And still breathing