They Told Me

They told me only one month left that was two months ago. They told me do it right the first time and it won't happen again yet here we are. AGAIN. They told me push through and you'll get to where you want to be, but I want to be in the game not on the side. They told me it's only a "blip" in this thing called life, but how come this "blip" feels like an eternity? They told me just be normal, but how can I be normal when they convince me I'm broken? They told me that I wasn't good enough. That I wasn't strong enough. That I wasn't enough. They told me that I wouldn't even get a chance. No chance to be considered. No chance to be looked at normally. No chance to not be "the broken one". They told me to push myself harder and harder and harder and eat less you're too fat and eat more you're dying and workout more you're out of shape and workout less you're too strong and smile more you're not pretty without it and stop smiling you're ruining the picture and wear less make-up you look pathetic and put more make-up on you look ugly and get no sleep you have to study and go to bed sooner then you're not tired and don't disappoint me or you can't go out anymore and hang out with friends more you're antisocial and... They told me push harder and I'll get there but I've been pushing for 1 year 11 months 5 days 14 hours and 13 minutes and I'm still stuck here. They told me "i'm here to listen", but if anyone really was I wouldn't be stuck in a black hole. ALONE. They convinced me that I was broken. That I was nothing. That I was disposable. Then she told me I am special. I am important. I am not broken, but it is taking a lot of convincing and she is patient. She told me that I am strong. That I am worth it. That I am amazing. She told me that she is always there to listen when that is all I need, and she has been. She told me that she isn't leaving, and even though I have given her many reasons to leave she has stayed when others would have left. She told me that she cares about ME. That she believes in ME. That she loves ME, and that is all I will ever need.