There Is Life Beyond Death's Door

Mama stood at the kitchen sink, quietly drying the dishes and putting them away. I knew she was crying because every now and then she would wipe her eyes with the hem of her apron. She hadn’t been eating much, lately. She looked so tired and drained. She was a tall, beautiful woman. At 40 years old she looked as if she had just turned 30. She was on a leave of absence and had been keeping busy around the house, constantly cleaning, scrubbing and washing. In hindsight, now I know she was only trying to keep busy so she wouldn’t think about her first born son. Mama had slept so much the week before. I remember wondering, back then, asking myself, was she also sick? I was too afraid to ask out loud. I would lie next to her in her bed and watch her sleep. Her stirring reinsured me that she was fine-only sleeping. You see, my oldest sister, Winnie, after Brian died, had explained to me what dying was. So then I knew that dying was like sleeping, only you never wake up. I was not going to let my Mama die also. I would bring into her bed, my coloring books and pencils and would sit on that bed until she woke up. Sometimes, I would fall asleep, then awake to find her sitting on the edge of the bed, saying her rosary and I would join her. In some ways I was like Mama. We were both of quiet spirits but she was strong and also an extrovert. She made friends easily. I on the other hand, was shy, stubborn and introverted. Later on as I got older, our personality would clash on many occasions. It was a Saturday afternoon in May. We were all sitting at the kitchen table. We, kids were eating all the sweets because Mama and Papa were distracted. There was still plenty of food left over from the week before. Mama’s many friends had really showered her with love. They had cooked and cleaned and comforted her as much as they could. Mama and Papa very seldom ate any food, which seemed to last forever. My older siblings were lost in their own thoughts and grief, my younger sister, Lena, my cousin Reggie and I ate heartily of anything we liked. Being the youngest of the group, we did not fully understand what was going on. We were talking amongst ourselves about our