The Words a Heart Can Bleed

First I get out a piece of paper and think of words I want to right. Then I'll get my pencil and the pencil takes a bite. It scratches and it claws the words here that you read. Have you ever read the words a heart can bleed? Like Noah it keeps raining and I'm caught up in the flood. Can you read my rain when it's written in red blood? It's dripping from this pencil. It's coming from my soul. The pain of my addiction is climbing out of it's hole. It climbs up on my shoulder from a pit that's deep and black. It looks just like a monkey and it hangs out on my back. It whispers in my ear. It screams if I don't listen. He says,"screw the rent you don't need a pot to piss in." He's getting really heavy. I don't know what to do. Why can't I tell him, no. I don't know how, do you? My monkey needs more drugs like a rat wants more cheese. I heard that feeding the monkey is always a fatal disease. Someone shoot the monkey before my soul is lost as well. I never seem to have enough money. I do things I'll never tell. Lord, You know me and You made me see the darkness consuming everything I wanted to be. I'm sorry I ever let it come this far. Blaming a monkey shows me how bad my choices are. I'm growing old but not growing up. Makes me sick Feel like throwing-up. Selfishness hides from me but dwells deep inside. I wish that I could see me but I guess I'm blind. With Your help God I'll make it through. Straight is the path that leads to You. One more thing before my foggy mind forgets. I think that I should work the steps. I'm stepping up to the plate God throws the pitch. Bean ball to the head of the monkey now he can't *****. I'm excited to get started without the monkey around. Please don't let me trip on these steps and come crashing to the ground. I heard you shouldn't go fast. You should be thorough and slow. Fast or slow I still go up. The bottom has only one place to go. Allan Robert Granstrom