The Truth That Was Hidden

I'm sitting here in this room, thinking to myself about the past. How I had bloom... though, it didn't last. God, everyday I am lying. Everyday I put on my mask. I always end up crying since no one dares to ask. I stopped talking to my friends, cut them all loose. For this is the end, and we all knew I would lose. Everyone around me thinks I'm better. since all they see are lies. They should know better! Even though I'm in disguise. I put on my fake smile and laugh along with everyone around me. I think everyone is in denial since they can't obviously see They act like nothing happened. like... I faked the whole incident. They honestly don't know what happened, or why I caused that incident. They believe that I was never "broken" just that I wanted attention. I should have never spoken and give them my full attention. No one knows I've been skipping my pills, everyone thinks I take them. Maybe I'm saving them for the kill? Who knows what I plan to do with them. I throw up everyday, only because I've grown used to it. No one understands my ways or why I keep quiet. Sometimes, when I'm alone and I see something I could use to harm myself. I check to make sure I'm on my own and start to look at myself. First, I cry...because I oh so much hate my body. Then, I hurt myself. Proving that I am nobody. and since I'm alone, and with no one else I continue doing this until I see a drop of blood, then it feels like bliss. I continue sometimes, craving the blood. Then when it gets too much, I sit down thinking... no one knows I do such if they did...would they let me drown? I bet they would. Since everyone I have come to love, leaves me..just like they should. because I'm nothing from above. You might think I'm a blessing. ha, I'm a curse. I bet you were messing, and just tried to keep it from getting worse. but let me get this straight, nothing you say or do, will get me to leave this gate. For this gate is where I was left to be on my own. to forget about help. I was always alone, never having anyone's help. Just let me be, I don't need your sympathy. Can't you see? It doesn't matter to me! I'd rather have everyone hate me than have you all pretend because believe it or not, I can see through all your acts that should come to an end. You aren't my friend, so leave me now. This my end, you mustn't know how. I will write back soon, for this is my only comfort. I only shall come at the time of the moon, for that is my hour of comfort.