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The Traffic On the Busy Street

The traffic on the busy street All night through Harlem roars The haunted sound of dusky feet The Gentle tapping at closed doors Some eyes may meet the face and smile Too boldly with the painted mask The undraped innocense of child The curtain drawn in acrid flask I turn from them and fled the scene The too familiar pure eyes My mother's children in farce sheen In a black world my soul despise The staggering men, apartments Haunted with penury and death Condemning tongues, distant judgments That taste not the fire and regret Mere children these amidst the plot The superficial argument Spending fortunes to buy the rot Of their eternal discontent The traffic on the busy street All night through Harlem roars The haunted sounds of dusky feet The longing hearts for tropic shores.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2012




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Date: 5/1/2012 3:11:00 AM
Very good poem and I love the fact that you have brought good metre into your poem. I think your metre faltered though as you went through the poem, unfortunately, but it wouldn't take very much to perfect it. For example, in the first verse, the last line: remove the word "gentle". Go through this verse and tap out your four clear iambic feet (ie beats) per line, and you will see that by removing "gentle" it is perfect. You can usually see also by the length of lines when things falter a bit. It is excellent and worth perfecting I feel, carrying a clear wonderful message. I am a well published poet and rhythmic poetry is my speciality. Hope this helps. Well done.
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David Smalling
Date: 5/1/2012 4:48:00 AM
Thanks, Josie. I am honored by your love, patience and help. I concede the right to you, but "gentle" holds a verbal image for me of the gentleman, or the polished, urbane, aristocrat seeking the pleasures of Harlem; and so to keep the meaning I sacrifice the meter. Keep faith

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