The Three Little Pigs - a New Story

Now here's a tale that needs to be told Of three little pigs so very different Their names were Ernest, Roger and Winky These names by their parents were given Now I could say these pigs were not so nice At times they were rightly a pain in the ass Their parents had given up all hope Of taming those three terrible pigs All Ernest wanted was to watch TV All day and night cartoons he'd see Should anything happen he'd scream and cry And run berserk throughout the house Now Roger was different from other two He was dirty and messy and stank a treat His nose was runny and boogers on clothes And socks not parted from feet for years Winky you'd think sounds rather nice But of all of them he was the worst His toys he'd throw all over the house And toilet seat he'd firmly leave down Now mother pig when nature called Her bottom she did plant A mighty scream, a yell so loud 'Yuck!! my bottom is now all sticky Those dirty little pigs,' she yelled 'They piddled all over the seat again This is so bad, I'm sick of it Please we need to find an answer' They pondered to, they pondered fro You could almost hear them thinking Hope was almost given up When the answer suddenly struck them Away from home they would move Across the road to his mother There the pigs would never look To cross the street was not allowed them On his way coming home A trailer papa pig rented To load all things from in house Across the street to be moving The beds, the lounge, all dining room And even the TV was loaded Not a thing was left behind Except three cups, plates and spoons Off they set across the road A new life for them awaited Left behind all sorrows and woes Three little pigs now on their own Home they came from school all bright Ready for some mischief When shock, horror, oh my gosh They found the house quite empty Ernest went to sit down No lounge to rest his body Worse things were yet to come No cartoons and no TV to watch them Winky walked round and round No toys to be found here How could he throw them round the house If there were no toys to be found there Roger didn't really care His stink was always with him The only thing that upset him No toilet seat to pee on Just then a mighty bang on the door The pigs jumped and squealed with fright 'Who's there?' they cried so timidly 'Tis Wolfred your friendly salesman' 'Open the door and let me in I'll show you wonders and excitement' 'Do you have a TV with cartoons on it?' Yelled the pig called Ernest 'The things I have you'll surely like So let me in you pigs so tasty' 'No! no,' they cried in unison 'Not by the hair on our chinny, chin, chin' This made the saleswolf mighty mad He raved, ranted and shouted 'You wait pigs till I get in A fine dinner you'll be making' He pounded and pounded on the door So hard they could hear it cracking Suddenly it broke right in There was a wolf of immense proportions Now Ernest being ever so dumb Asked 'have you got a TV?' Wolf picked him up, one mighty gulp And Ernest was gone forever Now Winky knew trouble was here Was looking for some place for hiding The wolf just laughed as he picked him up And ate this tasty morsel Roger was thinking mighty quick He was too young to be dinner A sock parted from his foot One deft move, in wolf's mouth shoved it The wolf coughed, chocked and spluttered Both little pigs were spat out One last gasp and twitch of limbs The wolf had met his maker There is a moral to this tale Or so I've been told To softly always walk in life And a BIG stink to be carrying