The Telltale Gadget

(A semi-true tale, with apologies to E.A.P...) He bought it as a treat for she, for times when they'd a wooing be When he brought it home he'd seen a pale, blue button on the machine The button seem to stare at him, which caused a fright, so on a whim He hid it in a bedroom drawer where it could wait; delights in store There came a night then, for the lovers when they frolicked 'neath the covers but in their passions, he'd soon forgot the infernal device's resting spot At last, they lay together, spent to the sandman's world, they softly went she dreamt of soft and cuddly kittens while he, a pair of Christmas mittens The night drew on, the clock it ticked his dreams then took a turn to wicked A buzz, buzz, buzzing at his door shall this noise go on, evermore? Three men appeared, then in his vision they claimed a most important mission a neighbor'd called them to report a noise of the most frightening sort Into the house, he did invite with face of calm and words polite such sober men; he must convince their witness must have been amiss He seated them and poured some tea and began to make a testimony He knew nothing of the neighbor's noise, 'twas likely some delinquent boys And then...he heard the buzzing start as persistently as the telltale heart His brow was covered in a sweat as he puffed upon a cigarette The peelers sat there, cool as ice His head felt though, t'were in a vice They're mocking me, then, that's their game Well I can do them, just the same But, the buzz, buzz, buzzing would not cease And his mind then, lost all of its peace He began to pound upon the floor And shouted out - it's in the drawer! At which he felt a gentle shaking, as though the world were subtly quaking He woke to see her smiling face She'd already found his hiding place