The Swimmer

Darkness. Smothering me inside and out. My soul gives voice to your name... I choke it back; my pride does not allow for such things but Inside, I scream as I slip under the waves. I'm going to drown if I don't let the tears fall, but I don't care; I haven't since that night. Apathetic, I'd rather be numb than let this pain rob the breath from my lungs and soul. I just wish I understood... How could something that seemed so right go so terribly wrong? They tell me, "Life is like that sometimes." But what is life if you're not there to hold my hand? All unbearable, but here's the worst: I forged the weights that drag me under. I remember knotting the rope that wrapped around my legs. I was the one who fought against the current instead of trusting your quiet depth. I remember you cried, "Why can't this just be easy?" You were right. Ahh, hindsight...but that won't help me now. I know that only I can cut the ropes, claw myself to the surface. But I just don't have the strength.