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The Shift

while tossing in bed a sinking shift in the room and the devil smiled

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Chuck Novotny

Date: 4/2/2012 2:29:00 PM

What a recognition of the battle raging in the unseen realms. Splendid write! - Chuck

Rascal Jones

Date: 3/20/2012 10:39:00 AM

OOooo, Laura! Such a moment's timbre to engulf me in chill-bumps! "A shift in the room"...wow! What vividly powerful imagery you've swept over me. I love Japanese forms, Laura. I like this one, but it has conformity issues in the strict 5/7/5 count and no CAPS or punctuation. Easy fix suggestions: "while tossing in bed" "a sinking shift in the room" "and the devil smiled". Regardless, I love it, Laura, for its realism and unique sense of originality. Thanks bunches, Dear Poetess! Rascal

Laura Breidenthal
Date: 3/21/2012 4:58:00 PM

Thanks for the review! I will definably make those changes. :)