The Rules of Football

The Rules of Football I took my little boy  to a nearby football pitch  He said he was tired  of playing hide and seek  He now wanted a football  to play around and kick  As he clutched my hand  I spoke to him  and tried to make him understand  the eleven rules of football  taking into consideration  that he was quite small  Now rule number one  Football is made of eleven strong men  When one or two are naughty  you may still get away  with playing nine or ten  Rule number two  When a member of your crew  hits the ball into the net  A goal is scored  that I can place a bet  For I am very sure  Rule number three  The maximum number of players  you can substitute is three  It does not cost a dime  It is totally free  Rule number four  There are rules you must comply with  When a team commits an offense  named a foul  before the game can commence  A small advantage has to be given  to the otherside  Rule number five  A freekick  is given after a foul  Sometimes awarded after  unnecessary dives  Rule number six  When you are shown a card that is yellow  Its time for your temper to mellow  or you will get the referee quite mad  and he will dismiss you with a red card  Rule number seven  A penality is like heaven  It is awarded  when a player breaks the rule  maybe by using his hand as a tool  to play the ball inside the penalty box  its time for him to go back to school  Rule number eight  A thrownin  Is when the ball is kicked out of the field  It's one of footballs favorite sins  Rule number nine  Offside is  When you are the only one running  alone to score a winning goal  you must hesitate  till you see a single soul  Rule number ten  A game lasts  for ninety minutes  You are beat  When your team has less goals than the other  That is when you must admit defeat  Rule number eleven  when your team is losing  you have to sing something amusing  saying  All we want is a goal  While we are dressed in coloured charcoal  Now my little boy  I said  These are the eleven rules of football  lets go and practise inside the sports hall