(So sorry for the hearts I have broken
for the dreams that never came true...)
I wanted this madness to end
I have to stop this hurting spree:
1. I locked the door,
2. unlocked my gun,
3. cocked slowly, silently that no one will hear
4. and went naked (so they won't have to undress me anymore).
My uniform is neatly pressed lying in bed
with the shining badge and the laminated name plate ready.
5. Took the last breath,
6. closed my eyes,
7. then prepared for the fall (the devils inside me
rejoiced with blood and misery - as I put my finger
in the trigger).
Then a frail knock came (it was the loudest I ever heard)
the sound came less than three feet from the floor
outside the unpainted door panel
as though it was knocking in my heart.
A tiny voice called "Daddy?....Can I come inside?.."
in my mind : "Baby? Can I come inside?.."
So I let him in (and the sunlight came with him)
He asked why I am naked,
that it was cold I might get sick
He said he was hungry and cried because his playmates had left him.
I cried because I could not be completed
(We cried for a moment).
He wiped the falling debris lining in my face as he wiped his tears away,
he picked my clothes scattered in the floor
I hid my gun under my pillow in safety.
I wore what he gave me
I did what he asked of me (I went to the kitchen half-naked)
I could see he was sleepy so I went to lay him in the cradle,
he had his feed in his hands,
I have my pain reliever beside me---
as I am holding this little boy in my arms
(My angel came to rescue me and that was enough,
for the moment).
Then we both fell asleep.