The Old Bill

Bill Shakespeare is wanted for hate speech, His study’s surrounded with tape. The local police were slow to react, He may already have made his escape. There’s a chance that he’s gone into hiding To work on the draft of a play; Anne Hathaway helps with enquiries: Where’s old Bill? She’s refusing to say. She cannot abide the intrusion, As detectives examine each sonnet, If she pops down the market she wears a dark cape And hides her face under a bonnet. She’s missing the warmth of her husband, His sensitive hands and dark beard. She hopes that they’ll soon be together But meanwhile, her dear Bill’s disappeared. And Bill’s understandably nervous ’Cause writing these plays is quite hard. He enjoys married life with his beautiful wife And his neighbours now call him “The Bard.” The risks of a long legal battle Could distract him for over a year, If the courts rule against his linguistics, That might end his productive career. This poem references the emotions of fear, hope and love now that historic scripts are frequently re-appraised - and sometimes condemned - against modern norms and expectations.