The Man I Want To Be

Years ago, I would have acted differently. Full of emotion, of energy, of life. But now I hold back. I avoid that which may hurt me. The old saying “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all,” is a truth I suppress into the inner confines of my heart. For I’m nearly a grown man and the man I want to be is cold and emotionless. Is it the fear of loss that drives this ambition? A fear of commitment? No. It is the embarrassment of being different. The cold world around me dresses in red and I once dressed in green. Curious glances at my nature stung like a thousand bees. So I hide my true color under a false red jacket. I zip it up so securely that my difference, though concealed underneath, is but a memory of the courage, the embarrassment, I once dared to show. For I’m nearly a grown man and the man I want to be is a coward.