The Mallard

"The Mallard" and other Animal Limericks The Mallard by Michael R. Burch The mallard is a fellow whose lips are long and yellow with which he, honking, kisses his bawdy, boisterous mistress; my pond's their loud bordello! On the Horns of a Dilemma (I) by Michael R. Burch Love has become preposterous for the over-endowed rhinoceros: when he meets the right miss how the hell can he kiss when his horn is so horny it lofts her thus? I need an artist or cartoonist to create an image of a male rhino lifting his prospective mate into the air during an abortive kiss. Any takers? On the Horns of a Dilemma (II) by Michael R. Burch Love has become preposterous for the over-endowed rhinoceros: when he meets the right miss how the hell can he kiss when his horn deforms her esophagus? On the Horns of a Dilemma (III) by Michael R. Burch A wino rhino said, “I know! I have a horn I cannot blow! And so, ergo, I’ll watch the lovely spigot flow! The Horns of a Dilemma Solved, if not Solvent by Michael R. Burch A wine-addled rhino debated the prospect of living unmated due to the scorn gals showed for his horn, then lost it to poachers, sedated. The Hippopotami by Michael R. Burch There’s no seeing eye to eye with the awesomely huge Hippopotami: on the bank, you’re much taller; going under, you’re smaller and assuredly destined to die! The Sinister Snail by Michael R. Burch A sinister sinistral snail went dextral, to no avail, spent a week (here's a zinger) as a right-winger, but the leftist's now back in jail. The Blobfish by Michael R. Burch You can call me a "blob" with your oversized gob, but what's your excuse, great gargantuan Zeus whose once-chiseled abs are now marbleized flab? But what really alarms me (how I wish you'd abstain) is when you start using that oversized "brain." Consider the results! Refrain! A much-needed screed against licentious insects by Michael R. Burch after and apologies to Robert Schechter Army ants? ARMY ants? Yet so undisciplined to NOT WEAR PANTS? How incredibly rude to wage war in the NUDE! We moralists call them SMARMY ants! Keywords/Tags: limerick, light poetry, light verse, nonsense verse, humor, humorous, animal, animals, nature, ducks, love, sex, desire, passion, Lothario, mistress, noise, copulation, doing it