The Life That I Do Not Want

It didn't hurt anymore the people who never cared ,the society who condemned me nor the lack of love and care I withdrew into my own shell reminding myself that I have to be alive There were cuts on my thighs ,my shoulders and my belly deep gashes I call them each one reminding me of a sour past and how I would rush to the bathroom to cut myself I was not psychic this was my relief mantra There were pills in my pouch, suicidal pills you might call them I call them my confidence pills the fact that I could end my hopeless travel in this world urged me to move forward I was alone lonely in the crowded classrooms, lonely in busy hallways Each time someone or something would hurt me all I could think was getting back to my razor sharp knife and the peace I would get when the blood would flow down my body and merge with the little pool of tears already formed on the cold bathroom floor.................