The Hurting and the Triumph

I wish I could find it in my heart To forgive you now you’re gone But the hurt that you inflicted Just lives on and on. The physical pain, that’s gone now That ended years ago It’s the emotional damage you did Is the pain that just won’t go. Middle-aged I am now, Yet when I’m lying in my bed I’m still that terrified little boy when Your angry voice I hear in my head I thought that it would get better; That the memories would fade away But no, they’re there, strong as ever Day after endless day I always wanted to ask you why You were so cruel to me Why I was singled out for punishment So often and so viciously? I was not some plaything To be ridiculed and used I wanted hugs and kisses and cuddles, Not to be repeatedly hurt and abused You didn't assault my siblings Though they were no angels, that is true Yet whenever there was something amiss I was the naughty one according to you You were always so damn certain When you beat hell out of me That I was the worst behaved child in the world You were always so bloody cruel to me. But you’re gone now That answer died with you You have left me screwed up, mum Now what am I supposed to do? Where do I send all this anger; All this hurt and misery? Damn you, are you pleased with the job You did in raising me? I ought to hate you, but I don’t I have neither the energy nor the will To waste on the negative emotions That have so often made me ill I have chosen to fight your legacy To rise above what I have been through Because, mother dearest, that will be My ultimate triumph over you!