The Gift of Being

With trepidation, loneliness, and fear, I called to you And you lived pristinely You lived in my heart I heard their mystical, sage voices cry out “The one you seek is coming, Oh so soon is he coming! And what a formidable union it shall be! Syncing together—mind and soul! A fiery union fit for the gods!" And yet—even the gods falter Even the gods cannot foresee ruin This ruin I speak of comes from the depths of self-deprecation From the thin valves of doubt’s coldest rain Icy sheets that leak through the clouds Like knives they dive with gravity on their side Only to melt in limpid liquids upon the soil of my despair I could say to these beings, "May the truth release these pains! May the truth lead him to me!" But in so doing I would but rush fate And fate needs no human thrust For she abides in the worthiest trust "Oh so soon will this union be! Blessed be the heavens above in their entirety That bring down the rains of our deepest fears To catch the loneliest of tears And to make use of her endurable longing!" With trepidation, loneliness and fear, I called to you Through a meditation of certain soulmate union I gripped upon the rims of mindfulness To search deep in the fathoms of my consciousness To find Even a skeleton of your existence And it was there that I found peace When I touched that glass To see the blurry outline of your hand On the other side This blurry wall between us brought the rains to a torrent As I opened that door to meet you— I sobbed in your arms For you must have heard my call And oh so sweetly did you answer In an embrace wondrously welcomed When I shut the door, to leave my mind, My painful meditation— I opened my eyes back to reality To a world yet still I meant to comprehend Without you to bear it with me And I, at last free, Called to Him— Asking for you He then gave me to you swiftly And I received you as a starving fledgling Receives its final meal before flight Dangling on the edge of this inescapable cliff I received you like God received my prayer On a faithful jump to death impending life For you see, I did not need any seer, divine enchantress, No gentle leading voice, Or guided contemplation To find you I needed no prophesy to know of your coming All I needed was the confidence to speak To ask And the gift that is you was given to me The door was fully open to me A door leading to the light of union The gift of being— As precious as the lofty sun Shining down after a lamenting rain