The Funny Side of Wisdom

My mother taught me many lessons First ,about the birds and the bees Where did I come from mommy? Oh, I found you in a barrel of Crabs. Her lessons in decorum were priceless Walk always with your head held high But not so high as to drown when it rains. bless her heart. She was a stickler for good posture More so when I wore a new dress all pretty and frilly You walk like a drunken spider on spindly legs. Her lessons in obedience I’ll always remember When I say jump, just jump Don’t ask how high. She taught me to choose my friends they should reflect class and dignity True,God said Love your neighbor as yourself but he didn’t say, walk with the riff- raff on the street. Her description of my hair left me baffled I thought it was always neat Looks as if birds have been picking out your hair To build their nests, she often said. She taught me to be a power to be reckoned with With words I was to hear often I brought you into this world And I can take you out. To mom, silence was a golden rule Never ask why just do as I say Or with one slap I will turn your face to the back of your head. My speech was another area she paid attention to When I spoke her comment came swift and sure you speak as if you have a hot potato in your mouth. Lesson on bravery left me in tears On the day I broke my arm Am I going to die, mommy? I asked Yep, like a flea squashed between your fingernails. She replied. I still remember these lessons, and smile I know too that she did this to help me cope She was the best, my mother.