The Forge

I remember the beach sand and swing when you and mother were still something I remember the ducks in the lake you held my hand watching their wake I remember the sheep dogs when the day was through and the mornings grass all covered with dew I remember the dead man and blood on the floor my hand in my mothers as she went for the door I remember the stairs I thought I’d fall through and the building where she was hidden from you she tried drowning me in the bath and the tub her hands on my throat on the dining room rug the pain of the walls where my body flew the floor of the closet when she was through I remember you entering the door as you picked up my body from off the floor the words were so ugly I’ve forgotten them now but things haven’t changed much anyhow I remember the willows and switches not few a home not mine and the children were new a string of families never seeming to end the abuse and the beatings I’m not on the mend I remember the the rage and the red flushed face what did I do to fall from your grace I remember the fear when I tried to hide the man and the 2by4 when it hit my side the bruise and welts with noone to care my mother and father aren’t even there I remember the family that took me in they had no daughter just two young men one boy was loving the other was slime but the parents protected me most of the time I was safe for awhile with nightmares not few and some of my demons she helped to slew I remember you taking me home at last you had remarried some six months past I remember the woman was cruel and mean she remained that way till I was sixteen At fifteen I had been already raped twice the drugs and pills and the wrist yet to slice I remember the police to the hospital sped the straight jacket and thorazine I should have been dead I remember the airplane that sent me away with my half brothers mother I was to stay my neck with a forearm pinned to the wall my half brothers brother screaming he will have all I remember the screaming as I flew down the stairs his violence had caught me totally unawares the pain as he smashed me on the walls of the hall the kicks in the ribs after my fall the nine months I walked in a state of fear how I passed my classes is very unclear I remember the man when I hitched into town the car was a sedan of dirty brown the doors had no handles no way to get out he pulled out a knife and proceeded to shout how he would cut me and make me bleed if I didn’t fill some sort of need how I grabbed the wheel for steering the car when he slammed on the brakes down the road not far when he slid out the door by the side of the road it seemed to me that all time had slowed he released me with curses not language unknown from the cage of his car this bird had flown I remember the man preaching justice and truth but to find answers one must become sleuth I remember the marriage and I made him swear that to hit or harm me he must never dare I remember the baby with curls of gold by seventeen to marriage my father me sold I remember the lapses of time I had lost the forge of my youth and the price it had cost the thread that kept me alive was so thin in my mind it was always me against him I remember the children that helped keep me sane with some sort of focus with the man I had lain I remember the striving for some sort of truth what kind of a mother my children had in their youth I remember it all so plain and clear that violence from men will always be near I swore at sixteen no child to have if you couldn’t play safely with joy and a laugh forgive me my children for bringing you here the reasons I do things are sometimes not clear My parents are gone and I do not mourn but only for the life I was never shown I did try to spare you the same kind of fate I hoped that my love would be never to late I had no control of the time or the chance that injustice would look upon you with his glance I raise my eyes to the heavens and vent to his name to save all the children who are yet put thru shame In a blast furnace my life has been forged the tool of the hammer has formed my discourse in molten metal I have been shaped the tool of another I have not escaped what of the purpose he hopes to hew a piece of equipment all shiny and new I remember my maker and the state of his grace the road laid before me and the words of his face the view of my nature he seeks to tame with so many others who walk in the flame in wails united to pull heaven down and with its brightness scour the ground his promise to do so has not yet passed when all of mankind will feel his blast the call has gone forth the meaning is clear to give an accounting is so very near those who think themselves high shall be made low the dust of the earth their destined to know the one that I follow has carved out the path his star has shown brightly beneath thorn and the lash I reach my arm forth to take hold his hand to walk among humans woman and man he paints a clear future for those of us all a paradise lost to man in his fall COPYRIGHT © 2009 C Michael Miller via Duboff Law Group LLC COPYRIGHT © 2009 C Michael Miller via Duboff Law Group LLC