The Elves Were In a Pickle

The Elves were in a pickle As the Reindeer brought forth a crucial stat. They would surely die... should they attempt to fly Now dear Santa was too fat. Their contract was clearly structured To keep them safe and sound. Where it would state... poor Santa's weight Could not exceed three hundred pounds. They were well aware of Santa's feelings And no one wished to see him hurt. So to fool the man... they devised a plan To secretly let out his pants and shirts. But the Reindeer were still troubled As Rudolph sadly repeated their demands. 'There is no earthly way... to pull the toys and sleigh With such a chubby Santa in command.' The Elves put their heads together And a clever idea was quickly gleaned. For the next two weeks... they would make him eat Nothing but pork and beans. With a chilly Christmas Eve upon them, They struggled to lift Santa to his sleigh. But with a heave and a push and a slap to his tush, He called out to the Reindeer...'Up Up and Away.' The Reindeer pulled as best they could And all would groan and wince. Santa tugged on the reins as the reindeer strained But the sleigh was not moving an inch. Santa adjusted his boots, then unleashed the most heinous of toots And they made ready for him to depart. So to continue their game... the Elves ignited a flame And set fire to one of his farts. There was an incredible sound as the sleigh leapt off the ground And disappeared into the blackness of night. As the stars were a shootin'... the old Elf was a tootin' And it made a most interesting sight. With the children asleep... Santa made not a peep But there were those who were cautious to tell. In the morning they were greeted and many strangely tweeted, They were accosted by a foul odor and smell. The Elves were ecstatic Christmas Eve had been saved And the Reindeer had suffered no harm. But Santa was still pollutin' as he continued his tootin' And Mrs. Claus made him stay in the barn. So when the weather turns cold and the wind sets to blow And the family car refuses to start. Make sure Father is seen... to have eaten his beans As you may need to ignite one of his farts. The End *Follow my cartoon at Webtoon Bob's your Uncle.