The Break Up Poem

Even without access to my heart you break it The pain is unbelievable You are unbearable Tears I didn't know I had pour from me until I'm drained And then over and over again Until I can barely recognize myself Who I am gets lost in what I'm feeling I wonder how can I be good in my soul And be made to feel so low and left to feel it alone It's the price for not loving you authentically Because I was a victim who could only pretend to love her predator in hopes to make him docile and plan for escape I don't miss you when you go I don't think of you I don't desire I don't fancy you But still I cling to the hope of redemption I look in your eyes and hope to find a learned lesson A cushion to soften all the hard blows you landed A tenderness found in the time that's passed for the state of life you left me in You abandoned me Unforgivably abandoned our kids Still you look at the mess you've made and step over it I see you I see hatred Don't ask me to give You one more chance You only want me at your convenience Memories are painful Scarcely good You'll never be able or willing to give me what I want You'll make promises you can never promise you'll keep Your offer of love is too late And I know you mean what you say However I've un-boarded this train Packed up all my pain Every day I take a step toward a brighter day Just as the sunshine warms my skin You're here again Picking at wounds that have barely healed Stealing the sun and force me into an emotional whirlwind I will not board this train again I take another step in the other direction Learn how to breath through the pain all over again One day at a time One day I'll see the sun shine on me again?