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The Beat of My Heart

this heart kneads easily molds to the touch of a lover this heart needs easy has a hard time with it's over i have a heart that bleeds quietly my heart has a hard time saying goodbye cries its drops of blood internally i know. i'm the one who wipes them dry my heart sets time easily to another's a heart too delicate for this world of hammers it's a candy apple heart it cracks when dropped my heart is warm and it's here for you to adopt it latches on to the pain of loving hearts the ones with complicated moving parts you can know my heart through my eyes you can also just touch it on my lips hear it beating on your walk byes you can see it when my flesh rips i guess i should warn you my heart is wanting too to be honest it's lonely so here let me hand you the key

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Andrea Dietrich

Date: 10/11/2014 6:32:00 PM

that was really sweet where you said "a candy apple heart it cracks when dropped... here for you to adopt" What a cute rhyme!! this was a darling one to find in your "oldies!"

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 8/14/2014 9:32:00 AM

My pleasure, I think this is a spectacular piece and it would be a shame for a few word placements to distract from it's essence. You are a very good writer and all the other pieces I have read I would not change a thing. I tend to write quickly and often come back two or three times to edit. Even with that I often miss things.

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 8/14/2014 8:09:00 AM

Second stanza, second line switch "a" to "my" line 4 same stanza consider "I know, I'm the one who wipes them dry" first line Stanza three consider " my heart sets time easily to another's." stanza four consider "it latches". I love the premise of this piece I just feel it is in need of some minor polishing.

Maurice Yvonne
Date: 8/14/2014 9:21:00 AM

thank you so much. i need input and help.i think your suggestions are dead on. it is much appreciated.