That Certain Age

So your youth has long gone and you’re feeling your age And you squint at the print on the optician’s page Hallway mirrors are banned cos you know they tell lies And there isn’t a laptop that comes in your size And the back of your wardrobe is looking a bit Like your Narnia weekend was clearly a hit And the crime rate is up on the high street you’ve read So it makes perfect sense just to buy stuff in bed So you’re buying online but still feeling forlorn Cos you’re still scrolling down for the year you were born So you make your selection but pause as you see At the bottom a message and clearly for me Is your pension in place would you botox your face And the cost of a funeral is just a disgrace A free pen for enquiring now seems a bit mean now your low self esteem is the lowest it’s been and the old people’s stuff which is catching your eye so alluring, attractive and easy to buy with a click of your hip and two clicks of your mouse all that stuff could be winging its way to your house so you go to the checkout, how hard can it be but you can’t till you’ve registered online for free what’s the best time to call and the name of your school and where you do your big shop as a rule do you floss who’s your boss whats your profit and loss Michael Parkinson,Wogan or Jonathan Ross so they know who you are and the size of your bra where you go on your hols and when you change your car and you’ve chosen a password, the name of your pet but you still write it down cos you know you’ll forget Now please enter the Captcha, a hideous rule Did these people not do basic grammar at school A wry smile now appears cos you’re starting to feel that the one great big slipper won’t lose it’s appeal So accept that you’re older, keep scrolling instead - 'cos the nuisance cold calls taper off when you're dead