Thanksgiving Day

Getting up from the table, thanksgiving day, I realized that I will never be happy. There is a stare, a stare if you dare, For the changing of my body, I don’t care if you stare Because you don’t know what’s going on inside. I am nothing but a thread in the carpet, A stain on the wall that you forgot to wash. I am nothing but a crumb on your plate Left behind for the dishwasher Or the hunger of a dog, after a game of fetch. i am a cushion on your chair, you don’t even realize it’s there. I am the pixel on your tv, computer, cell phone. Missing one, doesn’t require replacement or tears Missing all requires all, and that’s all I got. I will not become like them! I will not abstain! I will permit the raping of my soul, I will permit the crushing of my brain I will undo the good training And turn it into fears. I will not undo the evil stares of all those who pretend to care I will not end up caring for my incomplete indignity. I wish I could be MORE mean, but I can’t seem to fight it! Gentleness, as if it could, somehow, contains a greater power in it than force And gentleness, unfortunately, comes naturally to me. I don’t know what it means to be happy, I’ve never been happy. Why can’t anyone tell! Because I am also an unrecruited actress, one whom the theater never caught, Thankfully, those frauds! I Act out the play, if it’s ok, I play with words and social skills, as if I had any. I’d play with friends if I had any. There is a healing for the sick