Test Or Punishment

I am trying to hold on to my faith as hard as i can, maybe this is not a test maybe I am just not a good christian. Maybe this is not a test i am going through, Maybe this is just the punishment that I am due. The lord says the branch that does not produce fruit will be cut away, Just maybe by my actions i have out lived my stay. I tried to be head of house and be an example to my family, me, But it turns out i am just an example of what not to be. to my family i don't know where to go or what to do, I am sorry as hard as i try i keep failing you. To my daughter i hope you find a better man than me, someone who can be a real head of the family. To my wife i love you with all of my heart and soul, i look back and i'm not sure when things started to get out of control. To my mom i'm sorry i turned out the way i did, You taught me better when i was a kid. To all of my family i love you this much is true, I am very sorry for what i put you through. This must be the punishment for the path i have taken, I guess this is what it feels like to be forsaken. Richard Hardiman