Sweet Memories

Where do I turn, when all I want is it to be over, where do I run when all I want is closure or what do I say when every question shot at me starts another interrogation, where all it does is ignite the flames to my aggravation. Where is the medicine to help with this situation? Why is my heart thudding in this drugs sedation, is it all because of my lives creation? Where I live my worst fear, a life unending for where does the mind take me when the body fails to be sober, and free of this sick delusion where all I see is my life becoming a reality, and you actually loving me, what a sick and twisted illusion. Why when all else fails I turn to my inner most child, pray to God, to let me feel something, to let my emotions run wild. Even then I still fail to just hold on to my sanity and still some how I twist my own fate, some how I took your love and made it hate. What kind of mind set does that create? One that is so self wound they can’t tell fiction from facts, as they look back on their lives all the see is the fading black, when they turn around they find there is no turning back? That is the world I was surrounded by, every dark moment in my life had an alibi, but I was sick of the reasons I want to know just why. Why this life made me cry so many times, how it made me want to die and crush my own heart is my chest, how you made me feel worthless at best. Why did you make me question my own mind, you even made me call myself crazy and blind, but it’s not me it’s you this time for you no longer committed the perfect crime. When you lied to yourself you crossed the line, it that what you wanted from the beginning of time? …. This is all I have left of my so called life, is this how it will end? It’s practically over before it had a chance to begin? I tried so hard to keep up with my mind the scattered memories and the wasted time, with the toxic and poison I filled my body with I changed my whole world just to make me able to forget. As I grow older the deep wounds still sit, every scar tells a story and every drop of blood keeps a secret, this is my story but how do you see it?