Surviving

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about you father, and wonder if you regret anything that occurred between us. But, then I remember that the devil can feel no sense of remorse. An old boyfriend once asked me about you, I told him that I didn’t know what the word father meant. The movies and country songs tell you that a father loves his baby girl but love is another word that I struggle to understand the meaning of. Did you rape me out of love father? Was I too much of a gift to you that you needed to experience every part of me? because at 25, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that the person who helped bring me into this world is the same person who has made my word a living nightmare. Please enlighten me father, What possessed you to murder your child’s innocence, to erase everything good in her world? Did you realize at the time that your actions would affect her, Or were you too distracted by her small hands as they struggled to push against your massive body? When she screamed out in pain did you ever question your actions or did you just drown out the cries of your six year old daughter as you continued to shove yourself inside of her? An ex boyfirend called it daddy issues, I call it surviving