Surreal Or Not

Often do I wonder what our life would be like now, Had I but the courage to stay with you, somehow. No gold mined could ere replace, The love that I'd found in your sweet embrace. Yes, I think of it now but to no avail, How cold it has left me as I oft turn pale. Oh, I wanted it all for us I told myself, As I pushed our love to the back of the shelf. You told me not to leave you there, But fool that I was, I did not hear. A selfish being I have always been, This is the greatest of my sins. To have given up a prize I should have known, Far greater than the one that I was shown. Since I made that terrible choice, There have been days when I hear your voice. You went away in the pain I inflicted on you, My foolish chase came at a cost to me too. So in this dark night through my tears, I beg your forgiveness for all of these years. You had a child that was not mine, As you needed a love more gentle and kind. A love I once had...lost...and then tried to save, But I'll take only the memories when I go to my grave. Memories of two once loving hearts, That through my greed I had torn apart. What will I say to my Maker about my choice? I know not...even if I can find a voice. Just SURREAL!