Suicide Is My Only Choice (I'M Sorry)

i became a Christian... and now i realize... death is the only answer.... i hate to admit that i live my life it sickens me so i found Christ and i found him alone i find it funny that the church continues to feel i should stay that way alone they banish me outcast me and see me as bad person all because of what I've done in my past i love god and i love Jesus but sadly i cannot stand Christians they are what first made me what i used to be is it fair to anyone who wants to be one of us has to feel so bad at what the church says he must become people say to live by example but what if the example is fake and what if the example is what is keeping you from becoming what your meant to be its sad the church, that is to see such a beautiful building and it have such a rotten core if people could only see that the church is not Christianity theres no way a person in there will set you free only one of them can his name is Christ i loathe the fact that some of the 'christians' think they are so worthy to save somebody but they don't realize they save nobody only THE ONE can save one from the one they used to be i mean look at me