Suicide By Any Other Name

Suicide by any other name Thought I had finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I should have known, it was not the end, but merely a sharp turn Each step I take feels like a walk through wet cement Breathing is shallow, labored, fragile, and it KNOWS The SHADOW of who I once was, a lifetime ago Always just out of reach, just out of sight Constantly there to confront me with the Mind numbing reality of what my life has become! RUN, I shout into the emptiness; and then I "Grock" just how absurd it all is. Run, I can hardly move! If I were not nearly paralyzed with fear I could have laughed in its face My Dopamine depleted brain forsakes the activities of a "normal' functional adult Immobile, inactive, imprisoned, I stand silent and incoherent In a desperate and impulsive effort to dispel the nightmare, To put it to rest, to extinguish the light, to be finished! I awake in a fog, people are talking, I hear but cannot see. I am disembodied, neither here nor there Back to oblivion, back to sleep, to rest, to dream. When I once again awake, I am informed of my attempted suicide! In the end, it matters not whether you win or lose but how we play the game But when the game seems fixed and the results are always the same, Suicide by any other name.