Sub Prime

Shadows move across the floor Sun-beams trace patterns on the door Quiet echos in the hall Neighbours no longer call Space fills the empty chair Neglect...replacing care Children's voices no more sing Telephone bells no longer ring A place no human now takes their ease The'For Sale' board rattles in the breeze

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Maggie Huscroft

Date: 10/22/2008 8:52:00 AM

nice atmosphere conveyed with rhyming couplet and the spacing adds the quiet 'voice'.....but if you don't mind me taking liberties my i suggest a couple of changes?....to improve the rhyme change the second 'floor' to 'door' and I think the rhythm is a little choppy in the last couplet. How about " No place for humans to take their ease, But the rattle of 'for sale' boards in the breeze." I hope you don't mind my interfering...i think is a good poem anyway.

Sharon Winter

Date: 10/22/2008 6:25:00 AM

Oh this leaves me with such a sad, empty feeling. Haunting imagery here that tells a sorrowful tale for many. Love, Shar

Kristin Reynolds

Date: 10/22/2008 3:17:00 AM

Very good last line - a chilling reality all too familair these days. love Kristin