Sreaming Heart-Part1

Helpless, hopeless, I live in hell. I lay here dead inside, only a shell. Why do I always have to **** up with you? Head pounding, tears flowing free, body aching with my heart screaming "please don't leave me!" It was so little, just the littlest thing, another **** up, another fall down. WHY AM I SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON?! WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO HURT THE PEOPLE I LOVE?! Why is it always the people you love that you hurt the most? Why do I fail all the time? It seems like the harder I try the harder I fall, the more I fail, the closer I push you to that so dreadful edge, that hole that's sucking me closer to painful death. Hopeless laying in the dark, it's comfort refusing strongly to sooth me, bed refusing to warm me. So, so real, but it feels like a nightmare. Is that all my life has dissolved to? Helpless, hopeless, hell? Another night fading and again I'm all alone, nothing new, new pain that hurts more, more scars on my heart, deeper this time, another layer taken off my wall, that is shaking badly. In the morning am I still going to be on my own again? Another day has gone, another battle won. But tonight? Why do I always fail you? My life is nothing but a failure. Heartache again, pain all over, body aching, mind bouncing throughout my skull. Hopeless, helpless, I live in hell. I lay here dead inside, only a shell. Head pounding, tears flowing free, body aching with my heart screaming "please don't leave me!" I open up everything to you, just to get locked out when I try to help you. Why? I'm so confused. Fearing about being get and at school, surrounded but completely alone, I still have to hide. My fear drowning the empty space inside. Fearing the loneliness, fearing the pain, fearing that another person will leave me again. Fearing the day to come tomorrow, will you still be here? Fearing the chilling cold dark that rips at me and my screaming heart. Sleep takes over, pulling me down into navy blues and greens, with only nightmares, no sweet dreams.