Sometimes I Feel Like a Fatherless Child

I feel as though I was born into a jungle not quite prepared for the wild. Sometimes I ponder do I have to give into account for your sins. Somehow I think your early departure clouded my judgement when it comes to my choices in men. I cant pretend that I knew how your dying would affect me. It left me wondering if you might've lived how different my life could have been. As I look in the mirror I get a glimpse of your smile in my reflection. Why has it taken me years to try and overcome my fears.No amount of glue can repair the permanent tear you left imprinted in my heart. Why was I searching for you in them.Did it come from the unoccupied space that was left after your death. You suffered while exhaling your last breathe,Oh how I wept,Like you were that missing step I refused to take.Like a solid punch to the chest,I know now God took you from me for the best.Still tears wouldnt allow me to rest.I guess at the age of ten I took on a burden of looking for my father,dad and he was dead.Oh how I wish I could re-write your life and re-edit all the bad decisions you made,So maybe you've would have stayed. How did I pray for the cancer to go away,yet it stole not only your health and but also your soul.Thankfully God had more goals and for me write this chapter into life so I can attain the goal of being a voice for more wounded souls.No longer yearning for your arms to reassure me and console my world as a whole.Like a dove wings dipped in gold,I have a story I just shared to rid me of feelings as the fatherless child,Grown as a adult now,and no more blaming you,me! Just as a cage bird this poem has set me free from all negativity!