Solitaire Solitude

Solitaire / Solitude Solitude will be my recognition, my fame ! Solitude is my time to claim ! Solitary is my adopted name ! Solitaire is the name of my game, to play away these hours of mine until there is nothing left of my time on this plane or of this rhyme. B. J. “A ” 2 October 19th 2001 July thirty first Two thousand and one An end has come, to times filled with the recordings of sounds from a glorious, ancient past. Time has come to empty the mind of what hounds, time to indulge in a lengthy fast. Time before now There is beauty, where there is light, but, it has become obvious !, that night is not a place of beauty, peace or rest for a man, who, out of his life, has made a mess of troubles, troubled thoughts and deep reflections. And like me , they get lost in the quagmire, and at the cost of my soul on fire, burning with flames of pain, in depressions grip, without the ability to solve, that which is, trouble, which my lot in life is. B. J. “A ” 2 July 31st 2001 Another Time before now My heart cries out, with each lonely tear drop I realizing that, of my life, I have made a flop and in the process, lost little pieces of mu soul, forever washed away, evaporating into thin air. What a heart wrenching thing for one to know, to believe about his life, to believe it is not fair, that all they were – those tiny pieces that formally fit together and made up the whole – a family that was my soul, never again for me to know, for tear drops nourish not, nor will they make grow. Only lubricate the path, the way of letting go. B. J. “A ” 2 July 31st 2001 Still another time There is this killing chill, filling the air that leaves me in a deep state of despair as my young, fair haired Daughter, seems to have forgotten all I had taught her as she makes a prisoner of my heart and soul, with her vengeance, caging my spirit in a gaol of her spite, as the might of her hatred encases, dictates the course of my life, as it races towards thoughts of her young son, my beautiful, second Grandson, who, like her, is lost to my touch, my embraces due to the bars she has erected, the distance she places. Me, my life, they have become the walls she builds that grow ever thicker, wider, more distant, higher, an impenetrable wall of searing, blinding fire. B. J. “A ” 2 July 31st 2001 And still another I do not know where it is ?, that I might be if it were not for my dark haired, lovely, Melanie. I do not know what it is, that my mind would see ?, in this life if it was not for my youngest, thoughtful Daughter, who deserved the best, deserves much, much better from me. For now, it seems, she just wants to be free ! B. J. “A ” 2 July 31st 2001 And yet another The sleepless dreaming of humankind, is to leave the waking nightmare behind, reach deep down inside, to touch and find, all the stuff of its soul. Its heart, its mind so that in the end mankind will stand high and shine. B. J. “A ” 2 July 31st 2001 Gail My girl child, a beautiful woman so far away fills my eyes, fills my thoughts every day. Her life I left behind, let slip away so long ago. How she feels ?, who she is ?, so little do I know. My love for her I try, I hope I do show ? Does she see?, can she feel it grow and grow ?, as the years left behind, lost, stow away, enlighten me one day to all I have missed. B. J. “A” 2 July 31st 2001 As the son stands Casting shadows upon this land, I know not where I stand, where I might fit in, or who I am. There is no one to lend a hand as the cold winds wipe me from the sand. Not a trace !, find not, I can ? Do I fly with the sun ?, from the shadows do I run ?, or is it ?, with them I walk passing over others, never to talk. Or do I stand ?, with the land as the sun passes over head The shadows, a blanket for my bed. Laying there, sleeping is my soul and in that state of reverie, never to know ? B. J. “A” 2 July 31st 2001