Shopaholic's Lament

Written on June 12, 1995 Updated on April 19, 2012 Gail's Note: Written in the voice of a shopaholic (the hoarder's first cousin) Not really me, although I do have some items that could probably fit into this category. Useless Products, the Vendor cries Useless Products, for one and all! Useless Products, the Vendor sighs Buy useless products that will line your walls. Well, I really like my useless products. Society has taught me to stand quite tall As I'm dialing every 800 number To buy the products that line my walls. Well, I really hate my useless products. Society has taught me to dread each one. If I could just stop buying useless products I'd be able to look through the windows on my walls. And so the products pile higher and higher Until my soul is buried alive And the reasons for buying don't seem to matter Until my family hears only my cries.