Separated By a Common Language

"England and America are two countries separated by a common language." ~ GEORGE BERNARD SHAW An American takes a respectful look at some of the many language variations across 'the pond'... I write a poem for my 'mom', you write one for your 'mum', I sit down on my 'rear end' but you sit down on your 'bum'. I need to use the 'bathroom', that small room you call a 'loo', I may just need to stand 'in line', that thing you call a 'queue'. Now here's a fun one: 'Bob's your uncle' when I'd say, 'You're done'. You might attend a 'Stag do' for some 'bachelor party' fun. I always ride the 'elevator' up; you ride the 'lift'. That time that I called football 'soccer', you got jolly miffed! Your 'pitch' - my 'field'. Your 'match' - my 'game'. We never say 'Nil - nil', (I'm glad your lads in '66 took World Cup, not Brazil). I'd say, 'My team is looking strong' though you'd say, 'My team are...' For me, a 'trunk'; for you, a 'boot' holds luggage in the car. You'd say you need a 'holiday', well, I need a 'vacation': I'll hit the 'beach', you hit the 'seaside' - either way, elation! I'm 'very pleased' but you are 'chuffed' when things are going breezy. I might say, 'I don't really mind' where you would say, 'I'm easy'. When I give you some 'candy', you say "thank you for the 'sweets'!" You offer 'biscuits', I say "love your 'cookies'!" Speak of treats: I cool down with a 'popsicle'; for you, it's an 'ice lolly'. We put 'chips' in a 'shopping cart', you put 'crisps' in a 'trolley'. You mention 'trousers'; I look for a 'pair of pants' somewhere, But if I say 'a pair of pants' you'd look for 'underwear'. My baby wears a 'diaper', but your baby wears a 'nappy', I may just call your chips 'french fries' (which could make you unhappy). In 'secondary school' you studied 'maths', and hated it, But I attended 'high school' where 'math' never was a hit. You fill your 'lorries' up with 'petrol', we fill 'trucks' with 'gas'. I'd say, 'the poor guy died', you'd say, 'he popped his clogs, alas' Now, "various small things" to me are "bits and bobs" to you. Let's hit the 'diner' or the 'pub' before our night is through, And raise a glass and quaff a pint of ale to this fine fact: Whilst I'm 'amazed' at all these sayings, you're downright 'gobsmacked'!