Seeking Serenity

Today was both beautifully pleasant and awfully disappointing. I met a friend, and lost a friend. The sad thing in this, the friend I lost and met was the same person. This dreadful sensation drools over me, am I that repulsive? Am I that bad in first impressions? How is it? I am bad.. How is it? I am hated by many and by each and every person I meet. Why is it; I am hated? My intentions were always pure, my smile was always kind, my remarks and chats were always friendly. Then what is it that I did? That was so dreadful. What is it that I will do? To erase it? What is it that you ask of me? This heart of mine has gone astray. Those voices in mind have gone with no sound. Those eyes have gone blind. To a path, to any path, they no longer see right or wrong. Why is it; this my fate? What can possibly repay? All those odious, intolerable memories and days of mine? I have lived, this loathsome life of mine, with no reason, with no goals, with no dreams, sturdy patience did I own, did I so longingly lose. I look up to the sky with tired, impassive eyes. I have waited, I have stood. But when? And where? Will I have friends much as sincere, much as comforting, much as everlasting. I listen to the same track over and over again, with deep feelings of weariness and fatigue oozing from me; same questions, same wonders, and the same unanswered calls. These days, they drain me and consume me, I have nothing left, maybe its time to give up, to truly surrender. There’s nothing left and nothing will ever be the same, I want to rest now, liberate myself from all these feelings, and emotions, I wanna find peace once and for all, whether it is on this expiring earth or eternal heavens.