Sad

I was 16 at the time Love was plastered on my mind Never knew love from a man My daddy walked right out our lives Never looking back, you know He made himself a family Big house and fancy cars With a daughter named her Amonique And see I….I was searching for that life My mother was on crack And she’d be busy by the night But that’s how we made our money See you’re judging, that aint right No I wasn’t proud But I accept it – it's my life Now I met this boy one day He told me I was beautiful “I wonder if he means it” There I go again – delusional He had me touching topics And my walls were tearing down with him Vibrations in his words I heard him clearly while he’s whispering He said “what you’ll do for me?” Name it that’s what I will be I thought I was in love I swear I thought this boy was meant for me Lyrically gifted His words were firmly scripted He knew just what to say and how to say it Kept me lifted He undressed me with his mind Penetrated what was pure He told me I was his Nothing less and nothing more “you’re special” – so he said “I love you” – well ok You don’t leave the ones you love You make it work You make them stay Now I got his junior Mom is disappointed But you never thought to raise me In the image of a woman? As you can see I have a choice My life has now been tailor-made Should I keep this ball of life Or send him back to where he came? *pause* I kept him I dropped out of school Its either him or the books This life thing is cruel Making money as I took My friends – they were disgusted The teachers – they looked down on me I was battling depression Suicidal thoughts were killing me Word they used were murderous Took some bullets now immune If I never hear those words again I’d still say its too soon Figuratively I’m torn What you know about a whore? What you know about a **** Talking bout keep my legs shut Do you know what it feels like To be throwing dirt on my name Im human and I hurt too Not excluded from the pain I cry on lonely days Shed a tear when there’s a crowd Im breaking down all by myself I don’t know who’s still around I don’t know who wouldn’t judge me Who’d be here by tomorrow Who’d love me in conditions where My soul is numb and hollow I'm 28 You just made 12 Yes I love you dearly And were happy All is well It was never meant to happen But I never say “regret” Count my blessing by the boatload Count today and then reset