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Robbers in my room

manel gunatillake Avatar  Send Soup Mail  Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled Robbers in my room which was written by poet manel gunatillake. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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Robbers in my room

In the night,
Two rogues entered my bed room
Flickering their glowing torches
Dancing every corner
On the ceiling 
On the floor 
On the mirror
Under the bed 
What is that they are searching? 
They do not know,
That they already have robbed my sleepy eyes
Finally I caught them and imprisoned in a jar

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  1. Date: 7/25/2013 8:19:00 AM
    how deceptive, so elusive, very fleeting, your firefiles.

  1. Date: 7/4/2013 7:10:00 AM
    Change to "their glowing torches flickering" that way it can be construed as flashlight beams ( allows for alternate meaning.) Add a them after imprisoned. "What is it that they are searching for? "Adding those few small words clarify's your thought."One final suggestion I would repost the poem and I am sure you will be pleased with response. The new title grabs hold of the reader and adds a bit of deception, excellent choice.

    gunatillake Avatar manel gunatillake
    Date: 7/4/2013 12:39:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you so so so much
  1. Date: 7/3/2013 4:36:00 PM
    This is very good, I would consider changing the title to something else so that your audience has to guess and perhaps add a line at the end-- I capture my night thieves in a jar and set them on a shelf.

    gunatillake Avatar manel gunatillake
    Date: 7/3/2013 9:00:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    Thank you dear. taken your suggestion