Ringing

Ring Ring Ring i feel the phone vibrating the sound rings deep into my mind My girlfriends curious stares as i see the caller ID my thumb slides up painfully slow, towards the ignore button that seems miles away Its done I breathe deep as she asks for an explanation, a reason for my response and can say nothing She looks at me, her eyes prying into my soul "An old friend nothing more" But Her eyes tell me she feels it I look down at the now blank phone as i contemplate my decision And the consequences of it. Ring Ring Ring A new message, another new message My eyes burning as i hit the delete button. No need to hear it, no need to open the door to temptation A decision made, a decision to be kept i assure myself. My palms start to sweat as it clenches around my phone, The plastic and cheap materials threatening to break. Release, sweet release, its all i need. A way to let go, let go of it all But alas its too late. Ring Ring Ring My head throbs at the sound at the thought, at the idea I look at the phone and see Its not her Release? a Snapping point like plastic cracking An ending to the hallway A door locked and sealed after so much time? I hope not Ring Ring Ring Its in my head now, a phone long since silent My girlfriend walks beside me with a knowing stare I am no longer there. Here i am, millions of miles away in my own thought Thoughts of past, thoughts of present And thoughts of the perfect future Perfect future? An Oxi moron if ever there was one The Future is not about the good Of the Great wonderful and perfect! Its the balance of the good and the bad The good to smile each morning And the bad to make the good feel great Is this ringing, a sign of how great things truly are? One Pain, one hurt, a scar not on my skin, the perfection of this imperfect world of my imperfect world? Ring Ring Ring A scenario played through my head many times a key found for the door in the hallway a conversation of drama, angst and history A scenario doomed to stay in my head Pride, my foolish pride prevents the call My word holds a promise made in anger Ring Ring Ring I wait for a call, and one accidental acceptance of it all