Remembering Vlad
I first glanced at you
Quietly looking away
I'll never hold you
My selfish declaration
I'm not that strong
Weaker than I perceived you were
Seeing you behind those tiny bars
Unable to lift your head from
That stained mattress
They said "Here, he's yours for the afternoon"
I instantly felt all your bones
Femur, spine, ribs, and radius
Your pooched out belly is all that made that
Onesy seem to fit
Your sunken distant eyes were the exclamation
Of your hunger, not just from food, but beyond
Further
When one's been touched it's possible
To smile at death
Hope makes such things possible
But it's hope you never met
And it was absent from our embrace
As we sat on the stone bench in the tall weeds
Of the hospital playground
The other kids responding w/ laughter
And smiles, giggles and games
Sticking out their tongues at each other
They said you were 4
You had never uttered a word
Had yet to eat solid food, you were still
Eating baby food
You had yet to walk, you were too weak
You'd been beaten, though
Several times
Unwanted, a curse
You ground your teeth so loud
I wanted to cry
I began talking to you about
Your future
One day talking
One day walking
Eating solid food
You didn't blink, you just stared blank
Like I wasn't there
Realization crept upon me and
Snatched optimism from my bosom
Next to where you lay
I wept
It was MY hope for you
That had been hijacked not your own
As far as I know you felt nothing
I would be back home
Within a week
As mucous flowed from my nostrils
Down the sides of my lip
I grappled with my feelings that you
Would be dead before I saw
My children again
My daughter playfully pedals bye
Her head tilted back and to the side
Bouncing Sandy blonde curls
Almost touching the tricycle tires
Chubby cheeks squinting eyes
Smiling the perfect full baby tooth smile
"Watch me daddy!"
Riding in circles around the hot fire grill
Filled with steak, mushrooms, and peppers
"Daddy's watching you, little turkey"
My baby is 4 and a half today
To have a memorial, there first must be a day of importance
Copyright © Brian Martin | Year Posted 2015
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