Remember

I remember how I used to stand on my toes just to kiss you. I remember how I used to tap your hand until it welcomed mine. I remember how I used to laugh every time you looked at me and the smile spread across my face. I remember how they warned me, and I just brushed it aside. I remember how you embraced me that night as tears streamed down my face and promised you’d never hurt me, never leave me. But sadly I remember how you said we’d always be friends, but it just didn’t work out. Sadly I remember how all I got were icy stares and a chuckle here or there. Sadly I remember how you stopped caring. Sadly I remember how my wrists screamed with pain as my heart told me to cut but my mind told me not to. Sadly I remember how my hands would shake and my voice would quiver as my anxiety worsened. Then I remember how you came back, said you were sorry, said you still cared. I hate how I remember how I trusted you again. I hate how I remember that we once way more then just friends. I hate how I remember all of the words that made me smile after you began to fix my heart. I hate how I remember that she seemed like the better choice. I hate how I remember the day you left me again, even though you promised that you wouldn’t. And now I sit here remembering everything we had. I don’t know if you ever cared, I don’t know if you ever listened. Since that night you broke my heart again my wrists just want a blade, my eyes just want to close and never open again, and my mind just wants to shut down. I remember how I used trust you, care for you, love you, and get broken by you. I remember why I’m like this now. You broke me but you never lost me. That’s what I regret the most. But I remember how I want to thank you everyday because even though I feel this pain, one day I’ll face more pain and I’ll still be numb from tonight.