Regret
REGRET: -verb; to feel sorrow or remorse for an act, fault or disappointment
How do you save someone from taking their own life? She gave up without a thought of the pain I would experience. I swear my pain now is worse than hers was when she was alive. Were there any possible words to be spoken to alleviate the anguish she felt during her final weeks? I repeat these questions constantly. Morning. Noon. Night. It never stops. The remorse will never leave as long as I remember our final kiss goodbye. Forgetting seems so easy, you know? But when I forget is when I no longer feel the pain and I need the pain to breathe. She needed my support and I failed. She needed stronger arms to hold her than I could give. She needed more assurance life is worth living; and I needed her to live. For she was always nothing but a delicate lost doe alone in the wilderness.
could never save her
soul filled with eternal guilt
suicide has won
She lost the fight and I gained nothing but internal lamentation. The feelings I feel still haunt my days as I wonder aimlessly toward her oblivion of nothingness. Why couldn’t my soul dig deep enough for her? Where was I when she needed me the most? I truly thought I would have been the one to bring her off the brink of insanity. I really believed she would come off the edge of the cliff and proclaim her love for life. But I just sat there listening to her weep not knowing what to do, or what to say. If only I had called more doctors, or tried to get her into one more psychiatric hospital. For she was always nothing but a delicate lost doe alone in the wilderness.
mind too weak to help
withdrawn when needed the most
insanity won
Before time was created I loved her. I loved her more than I ever thought possible. After all, she was my big sister. My rock and my best friend. Friends are supposed to save each other. Friends are born to keep each other safe from harm. I couldn’t keep her safe anymore. She was too alone and far too lost. I couldn’t stop her from taking those dirty pills that killed her in the end. No matter the distance I try to run, there will always be a grief inside that torments me even during the brightest of days. Life is too short and death is too final. Love is too deep and now I am buried in a shallow grave remembering all the things I could’ve said differently. Maybe I could’ve treated her with more tough love, and less tenderness. I didn’t know what to do anymore. Now, I am nothing but a delicate lost doe alone in the wilderness.
couldn’t keep her heart safe
buried in graves of regret
my disgrace has won
How do you save someone from taking their own life?
Regret Contest
Frank Herrera
October 13, 2016
Copyright © Lu Loo | Year Posted 2016
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