Refurbished Children's Stories: Wonderland Redux

Alice Alice was just going on eight years old When Lewis Carroll made her fall down a hole. The incredible place she imagined she'd found, Buried in her backyard so far deep underground, Teemed with people and creatures with fabulous features Too strange and bizarre for a child to behold. Some of their stories Lewis failed to unfold, But five better-known ones will now here be retold. The Trouble With Tarts The monarch of Wonderland, The vain Queen of Hearts, Had a prodigious fondness for raspberry tarts. They were tasty and classy, but they made her quite gassy, And whenever she ate one, it gave her the farts. Her pastry chefs baked them with infinite dread Because with each royal "raspberry", Off came someone's head. The Shadow Of His Smile The Cheshire Cat wasn't evil or vile, And his manifestations only lasted a while. But he never complained as he ebbed and he waned Until all that remained was a big toothy smile. Not quite a surprise, but neither anticipated, He just sat and conversed as he evaporated. The Brain Drain Neither Tweedle twin was renowned as a "comer", And making clear sense of things was a bummer. Their brains needed tweaking, and logically speaking, No one could actually tell Dumb from dumber. Identical twins were Dee and his brother, Sometimes even they couldn't tell who was which, which the other. Tempest In A Teapot Tea party etiquette's an important matter, It's considered bad manners to slurp, spill, or splatter. And never sip from a cup that is bottom side up, That exception's reserved for the very Mad Hatter. Why do such a ridiculous thing's hard to tell, Perhaps he just didn't like tea all that well. A Hare-y Situation The March Hare needed something to keep him on track So he'd stop losing time he could never get back. Or was it his fate to always be late? His time management skills had a serious lack. He didn't need pep talks or cute knicker-knack words, Just a new pocket watch, one that didn't run backwards. The Further Adventures After this you'd think Carroll would be finished with Alice And let her live out her days in a manor or palace. There was one more adventure in which he'd appear her, But falls and scrapes take their tolls, so no more rabbit holes. To start the next one, it's true, all the child had to do Was walk up to and then simply step through a mirror.