Reflections

Sometimes my mind will wander, about what used to be, the way I used to live my life, the many things I did see, for my journey was long, with many bumps along the way, regrets too can't to count, I wish they would all just go away, the past is the past I know, and the future is what's important, but I can't help but dwell, on things I never dealt with before, because sometimes time can't heal, and the past won't be forgotten, it will follow me day and night, until my very last breath, I wish I could ignore, many things from before, or truly believe when I say, "I was a different person before", I know that this is true, that my ways have completely changed, but I can't help but feel, I'll never be so different, that bad things will always happen, from what's happened before, I wish when I think back on those times, that I wasn't so sickened, that I didn't want to cry, or maybe, just that I would. I want so bad to tell it all, to one listening ear, but can't bare to break their hearts, because of how much they'll care, I just want them to understand, that my pain is more than they know, and I shut them out to protect them, from what they don't need to know, sometimes it hurts so bad, I just want it to end, I wish God would end me now, so I don't have to hurt again. I wish I could cry for the reasons why I hurt, I wish i could stop all the pain, I wish my heart would go numb, because I feel like I'm going insane, why can't anyone help me? why can't I help myself? why can't I just let it go, and completely shut that door?