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real story

Gulnoza Odilova Avatar    Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled real story which was written by poet Gulnoza Odilova. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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real story

Once upon a time there was a son and his mum
He wanted to marry and mother agreed in a glum
But asked her sunny to show her a photo 
Of  that heart fighter from Rome or Kyoto
The son brought three photos 
Three creature of God
Three pearls from ocean,
Three petals from roses. 
And told that one is whom he dreams
 Whole nights losing sleep
Described his feelings so pure and deep
Look here my dear, look here my maa
 One is too close to my heart and others so far.
I wonder could you find
Which of them is my sweet heart
Do Mums know sons test
As somewhere I heard.
Mum looked at photo
For several minutes
And said: “she is!”
The sun was so shocked –
“How clever mum is?!”
“How did you guess about it
They all bonny and fair
If ones eyes are like diamonds
Second is milky white
Third is waved hair”.
How you could find my lover
From the only attempt
So easy and clear 
As in her brow was a stamp?
Did you like her eyelids what makes me mad?
Or liked her chicks as liked you dad?
“NO” said a mother with disgruntled face:
“When I look at this girl I am nervous”


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  1. Date: 3/5/2013 7:31:00 PM
    Saw your Facebook post and wanted to check out your art! I can't imagine writing poetry in English if it was not my first language! I loved your story and the flow of it! Very nice work. It is very hard to critique grammar in poetry because it has no set rules! I only noticed a few misused words, which could be intentional, and the last line " could be a nervous", kind of leaves the reader wondering if it was intentionally written that way. Keep up the good work! Really liked it!

    Date: 3/5/2013 7:34:00 PM Block poet from commenting on your poetry

    I misquoted your last line "becoming a nervous". Sorry about that! Loved your story! Very creative!