Quiet

the tears quietly leave my eyes but their path does not seem to have a rhyme or reason and they have no destination no purpose but to outline my ‘self-imposed misery’ with glistening and watery pain i want to cry every hour of the day i want to cry out and shout my anger at a world that doesn’t give me answers to my desperately fervently whispered questions and i wish on every first star i can find hoping that my prayer will be granted and this all ends lost and dead inside i float through an existence filled with silent sobs and nights of lasting agony not from anything valid just from the disgusting and despised life i make my self live yet if i knew how to escape without being gone forever if i knew how to fix this hole in my heart i would do it and be happy after and not have to worry about this pressure in my chest and this constriction in my throat and the nasty creature that gnaws at my insides the creature that is anger and depression two sides of the same coin with terror sandwiched in between these free-flowing thoughts that course through my fingers and out onto this screen do not seem to have direction or any order and truly they don’t except to highlight the darkness in my soul that buries deeper into the shadows every minute the blackness that engulfs me grows stronger and i pant out of breath i try to reach the lighted surface but am held down by the tendrils of agony that have wrapped around me the tears quietly leave my eyes but i make not a sound alone as i am there is no need to let anyone know of the knife protruding from my chest and the needles that pierce my mind letting these ramblings leak out and drip onto the page where they lose all meaning and are only a jumble of words trying and failing to shift into coherent sentences akin to the pieces of my life that are racing to fit together into the picture they are supposed to create but the salt water is melting the paint and the colors are bleeding until i am unrecognizable just pigment no living painting in the sight which is blinded by the tears that quietly leave my eyes and drop to the floor.